:: Captain's Personal Blog ::

Stardate: Tuesday, February 10, 2004

Dear God, what has happened to me?

Well, in a nutshell, I have been so terribly busy that this little corner of my universe has been terribly neglected. Unfortunately, so have a great many of my personal relationships. Well, here's to reconciliation *clink*.

So, what's happened to me lately?

1) STAR WARS: The Last of the Mandalores, the Fan Film that I have been working on through PhoenixAsh Productions was finally released on Christmas Day, to quite a lot of critical fan acclaim. A shot in the arm, and now we are off in SERIOUS pre-production on the sequel STAR WARS: Mandalorian Legacy.

I have spent the past few weeks writing up the screenplay off of a story by my collaborator Mike Galbavy. We hope to star filming in the springtime with a possible Christmas release, but more likely the film will be released in the new year 2005. I guess that's the peril of having only a limited number of behind the scenes people.

2) WORK - Well, let me just say that I have been working really hard of late. It has occurred to me that in the 2+ years that I have been blogging, I have never mentioned where I work. Blogging has been quite the exposure of my innards, and as such I don't know how ready I am to expose this part of me yet. For now, I will just have to say that it has been very hectic, and left very little real time for much in my home/social life.

3) Lately, I have been in quite the introspective mood of late. It started a few days ago when the realization hit me that I was sitting at my desk at work. This is not to say that I was ever lost, but that I actually had a DESK in an OFFICE at WORK. It's one of those instances where I've wondered what the six-year-old version of me would make of the present day me. It's really amazing how your perception of your own surroundings can change in that kind of instant. Look at me. I was certainly the introvert as a kid. In a very LARGE way, I still am. Yet day after day I converse with my co-workers, swapping stories, and making deals with people for certain things that I need at work. It's incredible really. I think the younger me would be absolutely amazed at what I have accomplished, even if it isn't terribly incredible in the grander scheme of things.

Don't get me wrong, I know VERY WELL that I am lucky to be where I am. That things could have gone horribly wrong for me, and I am not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, no matter how hard I worked for it. It's just that there are others that I know who are much more successful than myself. I certainly don't begrudge them anything, it's just a statement of fact.

Back to the point, introspection. It's been chief on my mind lately. That and that I needed a catharsis. I realized that one in the middle of last week. It was one of those moments when you overreact to something in a VERY EMOTIONAL way because you've been keeping things pent up for so long. Fascinatingly this was one of those time when I was alone, so no one got to see. This is good, because sometimes I wind up looking crazy. The last time it happened, my father told a rather lame joke and I wound up laughing at it for so long that my entire face hurt, tears were running freeflow from my eyes and I had been rolling around on the floor.

So much for composure.

It didn't quite happen that way this time, but I was in need of a catharsis badly. I hadn't realized how badly until it came. One could make the clear argument that my refraining from writing in the blog may have contributed to the problem. I doubt it, but can't discount it either.

On that note, I have to say that the closest I can come to a New Year's resolution is to try to write more in the ol' blog. If not for the entertainment of others (as I have always strived to do) but for my own sanity at least.

TTFN
:: J 1:32 PM [+] ::
...