:: Captain's Personal Blog ::

Stardate: Tuesday, June 04, 2002

You know, I have to say I am definitely lucky for the friends I have though. They understand me to the extent where they don't terrorize me or hate me for not keeping a super-steady correspondence.

I just explained a theory of mine to a co-worker, in an effort to possibly explain why one of her friends was "slighting" her. The theory is as follows:

Relationship Backlash
"Essentially, it's where someone's life has a fundamental problem, usually somewhere in the social area. They need to deal with it somehow. First they talk about it, but afterwards they need to sort it out themselves. Specifically when someone lives at home, they really aren't given the opportunity to do that properly. The backlash comes when a person is surrounded by so many people who care (friends and family,) but not enough time by themselves to think it through and move on. Essentially, if someone does not feel solitude, they can't crave companionship."

While I do not hold it against her, the response was that she felt she was being treated unfairly. This is a standard response that I would expect from almost anyone. The fact of the matter is that many people feel that part of being a friend is being in constant contact with someone.

You are left the demoralizing rule, however, that you can not blow off a friend simply because you don't feel like doing anything, for fear of offending or even jeopardizing the relationship. So you wind up employing what is classically known as "The Runaround." This, when identified, helps even less. You're essentially stuck between a rock and a hard place. Unless, that is, you have a friend who is understanding of when you just don't want to hear from anyone. This is what separates the Fair Weather Friends from the Foul Weather Friends. The cool thing about the ideal Foul Weather Friend is that he/she knows when to back down and just let things go. The cool thing about the ideal FRIEND is that he/she will let their friend have solitude for as long as it takes, and will still be there when the person comes back.

Of course, you can't let someone walk all over you and call them friend, but just remember that everyone has times where they just want to be alone. It can be as brief as a moment, or as long as weeks (compounded terribly, if you live at home.)

Thus endeth today's diatribe.......I think

:: J 11:51 AM [+] ::
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