:: Captain's Personal Blog ::

Stardate: Tuesday, June 04, 2002

I wonder what it means when I haven't felt like blogging in awhile. I think it's probably an offshoot of what I have been feeling for a while now. I like blogging. I like the idea of having a journal of my own thoughts for no one other than for myself. A constant reminder of who I was, who I am and who I hope to be.

Lately, I have been so caught up in living my life, though, that I haven't had much time to document it. The sad fact of the matter is that living my life isn't so interesting that documenting it is strictly necessary. And therein lies the problem. I know that for now my life isn't much to speak about. Big whoop. The fact is that I still live at home and for as long as this is the case, my life can't be that interesting since I am not living it solely for myself. As long as I am home, I am constrained to live within the boundaries set by my parents. In addition, without having solitude, one can not crave companionship. And therein lies my other problem. Between work and home, I am constantly surrounded by people. Not a conducive environment to try to grow a social life.

I keep hoping that things will get better in that arena, but I realize that that is a dead end until I move out. I know that people who make less and have less that I have already chosen to do so. I have not. I don't regret that decision as much as I just want to get to the point where I am financially secure enough to leave this shelter behind. I have a feeling that once that happens, there is no turning back. Especially in this economic climate.

I'll play it safe for now. If only for a while longer. It's a sobering thought that I am as old as my parents were when they married (little feat considering they married at 24 & 25.) I am CERTAINLY not ready for that, but getting a "bachelor pad" would really be nice. Then again, to afford things, I am really in the wrong business. I know people working temp jobs who make more than I do.

I just have to keep my fingers crossed and hope that my payoff will come soon. I am trying everything I can to make it happen, but given this business, a little luck couldn't hurt either.

At least the weather is nice. Sun can make it all better.
:: J 11:11 AM [+] ::
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