:: Captain's Personal Blog ::

Stardate: Friday, January 25, 2002

You know, it really doesn't matter what happened last night. It's reassuring to know that in a crisis (be it a minor one) I can still remain 3C'd (Calm, Cool, Collected.) That's really all I needed now. I have been pretty secure with my life lately. I work for a major news company. When September 11th (I hate calling it 9/11) happened, I had to stay in Manhattan and at a hotel right outside Times Square. That night, (the eleventh) I was sitting in bed thinking about how I was essentially in the middle of another target.

At first my sense of panic jumped to really high levels. Then, it stopped. It stopped when I came to a realization. I have no regrets. I mean not in the "I'm not ready to go" sense. You see, by most accounts I've had a pretty good life. Sure I never went to Europe, never got a chance to parasail and have no wife or kids. But none of that was because I was putting it off. It was simply beyond my means at the time and therefore out of my hands. It wasn't as though I didn't do it because I thought there would be more time, I just didn't have the ability to do any of these things yet. And, assuming I survived, what then? There was no way to make it all happen the next day, so there wasn't any point in dwelling on it.

The only things that I thought would be bad would be the VERY FEW people who would actually be hurt in the long run by my passing. My family and so forth. But past that, everyone else would move on and it would be OK.

Yesterday I was not scared because I made my peace. It has nothing to do with God or Religion or anything other than the fact that I am thankful for what I have, appreciate it and accept what I can and can not do.

Fatalistic? Maybe. Does that make me an empty person? Could be. But in these times, any port in a storm will do.
:: J 11:22 AM [+] ::
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