:: Captain's Personal Blog ::

Stardate: Wednesday, December 11, 2002

Gross
According to Snapple "The average human eats 8 spiders in his/her lifetime while sleeping."

Gives new meaning to the term "Midnight snack."
:: J 2:21 PM [+] ::
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Incredulously Surviving Another Day

Well, last night I shelled out over $30 on the entire experience of going to see the new James Bond film, DIE ANOTHER DAY. What did I think?

For one thing, this new entry to the series only reinforces what I have believed since Pierce Brosnan took over the series. James Bond is no longer a human being. He can't be. He's too good at everything, and he's pretty much indestructable.

Before reading onward, dear friends, let me say that there are indeed SPOILERS ahead, so if you plan on seeing the film stop right now and come back after you've see. Otherwise, let's press onward.

To the top of the film. It was nice to see that someone actually figured out who Bond was BEFORE he could foil the plan. Unfortunately for our poor villains, this didn't stop him. Now I think that the idea of having Bond captured and tortured for 14 months was inspired. It is something that hasn't been done before in a Bond film and really speaks to his fallability. Unfortunately, this is as far as we get. After spending the opening credits sequence (a horribly mismatched torture scene and Madonna dance number) which is 14 months worth, getting tortured, Bond is traded back to his own people. He is held prisoner by his own people, suspected of betraying secrets. He must get out. So what does he do? HE STOPS HIS BLOODY HEART (or it least slows it down enough so that the EKG thinks he's going into cardiac arrest.) After that, he swims to freedom and puts himself up in a hotel and then starts his movie-long journey. Kinda resilient for a guy who spent OVER A YEAR being tortured.

Now I skipped over the the opening introduction to Bond (you know, that one death-defying feat that introduces him to the film?) He surfs his way through a Tsunami (or at least, that's how it looks.) So we now know (from Brosnan's films) that Bond can Bungee jump GREAT distances, he can surf better than most, he is great with a power boat, a fighter plane, a motorcycle, skis, tanks and parachuting, to say the least. Now I know he's a Secret Agent and all, and that he must go through intensive training, but this is a bit much, no? I mean what sort of agency is going to tell their spies that they have to be proficient surfers?

Yes, I know James Bond is supposed to be the best around, but can we stay within the confines of believability? I really can't picture Sean Connery surfing his way through glaciers (ala Brosnen in a poor executed CGI effect from this latest installment.)

What's next? How about Brosnen's invulnerability. OK, so James has been getting harder to hurt over time (is he storing solar energy like Superman?) But in this last one, he gets into a fight with the villain of the day. It starts as a fencing match, turns to a sword fight, morphs into katanas, and ends with broad swords. As that this is dirty fighting, the villain pummels our hero with the hilt of his broadsword. I would say I counted at least 3 good shots to Bond, square in the head. To which, the fight continued. Now, unless I am mistaken, those broad swords were VERY heavy. Between that and the solid metal construction, you would think that one good blow could incapacitate an opponent (especially one who doesn't wear any sort of protective headgear.

As to the rest of the film, if I didn't mention it here, it was OK. We could have done without Madonna's cameo in the film, but I suppose that it couldn't be helped (or could it.)

DIE ANOTHER DAY was chock full of in-jokes that would appeal to the hard core Bond fans. Among notable cameos were.....nah, if you didn't see it, I'll leave it to you to figure out.

I liked the film as a whole. But only as much as I liked any of the other more recent films. In the old days, when Connery was Bond, it seemed that 007 was playing chess with his opponent. He wasn't a superman per se. He did do things that most people couldn't, but it was still within the relative realm of possibility. In THUNDERBALL he used a Bell jetpack. At the time, while they weren't in wide use, they were experimental and could be used for short distances, which is exactly how Bond used it! He didn't use it to fly cross country, and he didn't fly to the moon. As we travlled forward in time with Bond, especially after Roger Moore took over, Bond became less and less realistic and more and more Fantasy. MOONRAKER pretty much capped it off for Bond. I almost think (and hate to do so) that the REAL reason why Timothy Dalton was not widely accepted as Bond was because he brought a sense of realism back to the character (while still retaining the daring do.) Of course, this is more of a credit to the writers than to Dalton himself, but it is indicative of the quality of the films. I enjoyed Dalton's outings in THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS and LICENSE TO KILL. I was probably one of a handful. I enjoyed them for good stories, high drama and gadgets without being superman.

I guess that's what it boils down to. James Bond films have gone from being adventure thrillers to being fantasy adventures.
:: J 8:51 AM [+] ::
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Excite Quote of the Day:
"We are fallible. We certainly haven't attained perfection. But we can strive for it, and the virtue is in the striving."
- Carlos P. Romulo
:: J 3:15 PM [+] ::
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Disappointment....Even WITH low expectations

Last night my father and I watched AUSTIN POWERS IN GOLDMEMBER on DVD. I found it tremendously hilarious. It was one of the funniest things I've seen in a comedy in a long time. For the first 3 and a half minutes. After that, I spent the rest of the film in abject disappointment.

Getting over the final tally of two musical numbers, two in-film flashbacks, two "new" flashbacks and a bunch of recycled jokes, there was very little original content in the film that lent itself to the movie.

To better illustrate this point, let's go back to the success of the original film. AUSTIN POWERS: INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY worked because it was a spoof of the spy genre, especially the JAMES BOND films. Austin was an amalgam of all of the original actors to play Bond with a few others thrown in for good measure. Dr. Evil was an amalgam of all the actors to portray the character of Blofeld in the Bond films, with a few others thrown in. From there, the satire stemmed from the fishes out of water story and their strict adherence to genre film guidelines.

AUSTIN POWERS: THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME, fell short of the original mark because it strayed from that formula. Look at all film series of that nature. SCARY MOVIE for example. The first one, while not comedic genius, was funny because it spoofed the whole teen horror genre. SCARY MOVIE 2, was filled with inconsistencies and became more of a pop culture spoof than anything else. It was not as funny as the first by a long shot.

In TSWGM, Austin's Mojo was removed (a defining characteristic if ever I heard one), Dr Evil became too hip (rapping -- a new concept -- with Mini Me, showing up on the Jerry Springer Show, etc.), Scott lost some of his edge, everything just started to feel old.

In GOLDMEMBER, the lines between Austin's character and Dr. Evil are almost erased, as evidenced by their very similar reaction to THE MOLE. Dr. Evil started to become Canadian (if he said "ey" one more time I would have expected to see him wearing the Canadian flag), Scott lost the rest of his edge, Dr. Evil became even MORE hip, and that's just the recurring stuff. Add to that the fact that WARNING!!! THERE BE SPOILERS HERE!!!! Dr. Evil and Austin wind up being brothers, so Dr. Evil becomes good?! Scott takes over the family business solo?! Mini-Me defects?! Fat Bastard turns over a new leaf?! And what about the '70's? Foxxy Cleopatra was a good start, but they should have spent more time there. It would have been funnier. And what was the deal with Goldmember. His character was just uncomfortable. He was not funny and he was not menacing. He just made me uncomfortable. And what about Michael Caine? His character's potential was just terribly unrealized. Yes he had a good moment or two, but past that he just seemed like really expensive window dressing. Nice, but totally kept in the background.

After all of that, the recycled and rehashed jokes just made this feel totally old. I think that this film should be the last of the series. Let it respectfully die while there's some dignity left in it.
:: J 10:24 AM [+] ::
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The obligatory (and yet late) THANKSGIVING posting:

Well, how do I explain the many horrible things that happened this Thanksgiving? Well, I should start off by saying that on the whole, it wasn't too bad on it's own, it was just populated by bad people.

Let's start with the nucleus. My uncle. A man who, when I was younger, was a pretty cool guy. Took me to amusement parks, gave me peanut butter taste tests as well as ones for root beer and ice cream. He had these two cool dogs and had great electronics all over the place. As we got older, he started to drift from sanity and is now your average domineering personality that you just can't stand to be around. Always wants to be the center of everything (attention included upon request) and has to be in control of everything, whether he should be or not.

Add to that the re-appearance of his now former ex-girlfriend who was originally his ex-girlfriend because she was such a horrible person to begin with. Luckily she didn't become any worse a human being but getting past our past just wasn't in the cards.

Add to that the fact that their arrival in our home put everyone on full alert and full aggravation mode. Gee, I'm not sure if I can put into proper words the emotions felt that evening, other than to say that when my father told me I should go to bed at 9:30 (for the first time in almost 20 years) I didn't even flinch.

Anyhoo, past that the weekend went well. Came to work on Friday, spent the rest of the weekend just relaxing and staying in out of the cold. Actually, that's not 100% correct. Too my car in to be detailed Saturday morning, now she looks almost like new!!!!

That's all for now. Have to actually get some work done.

TTFN
:: J 11:24 AM [+] ::
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